| If you were a sniper, I'd have already radioed in your coordinates just like in the Falklands |
[14 Nov 2009|09:37pm] |
When Ben walked in from work on Wednesday, he looked like death warmed over. A fever over 39C (102ish) sent him to bed right after some soup and green tea. I had spent the day in AMERICA. I left Canada at 6:45 in the morning so I could be at Target when it opened at 8. I’m just about finished my Christmas shopping, and figured the reason why the terrorists hate America: chocolate scented laundry detergent (either that or Strawberry scented Listernine. Naturally I bought both).
Me left, Ben right
I’d originally taken Thursday and Friday off to compliment my Wednesday holiday, but Ben catching the T-Virus H1N1 virus slowed down that idea. I did get the Halloween decorations put away, the leaves (mostly) raked, and the outdoor Christmas lights hung (is it too early to have them plugged in? I think it might be!)
I’ll just tick off the rest in bullet points:
Glee: Thumbs up, however: Will and his wife suck and I hate their storyline, so glad she wasn’t in it this week. Quinn/Finn? Getting tiring. Puck, I’ve decided that you actually are hot. Gay guy, black girl, and asian chick: you’re getting on my nerves. Wheelchair guy: you’re a moron.
Windows 7: Not that impressed. Everyone said it was the next coming of Windows 95, but it seems like a mediocre upgrade at best. I don’t know why it opens two windows for MSN yet, “show desktop” took me 10 minutes to find, and I can’t get anything into the Quick Launch area. Everything is so blue!
V: This is why Juliet left LOST? Gah. I did like the first two episodes a lot in regards to setting up a war between aliens and humans, but as an allegory for the Obama administration, its silly. I bring peace! And hope! And change! And Universal Health Care!
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| George W Bush... great president, or the greatest president? |
[22 Oct 2009|07:08am] |
Hey Montrealers, if you're going to be downtown today, stay clear of the Queen Elizabeth neighbourhood. Former President George W Bush is here! At 11am! Until 1pm!
 Rassemblement anticapitaliste et anti-impérialiste, le jeudi 22 octobre de 11 h à 13 h, à l’Hôtel Queen-Elizabeth (900, boul. René-Lévesque ouest à Montréal, Métro Bonaventure)
La Chambre de commerce du Montréal métropolitain versera 100,000$ au criminel George W. Bush pour l’entendre glousser les faits saillants de sa catastrophique présidence. Qui sera dans la salle ? Les PDG des compagnies qui profitent des contrats militaires évalués à plus de 5 milliards $ annuellement au Québec : Bombardier, SNC-Lavalin, General Electric, Oerlikon Contraves, CAE, Rolls-Royce, Honeywell, Pratt & Whitney, Bell Helicopter, Paul Desmarais et son valet Henri-Paul Rousseau
Take that war-mongering capitalist pigs! Since I'm literally right next door I think I'll try and go and take some pictures of crazy unwashed Bloc and NDP voters who are (probably) skipping their liberal arts classes and bravely cutting into their sitting-around-complaining time. (Thats a joke! I know these kids won't actually vote!)
Will I get murdered by anti-imperialist protesters? Take this actual poll.
Why would anyone hate Paul Desmarais? This guy is the best person.
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| I guess that's what charity's all about: getting liquored up and spanking your neighbour |
[07 Oct 2009|02:10pm] |
Last year I raised about forty million dollars for some charity by getting a haircut. This year, I let my hair grow (my bangs are past my nose, and in the back its past the shoulders) in case they needed me again, but no one has asked me so I suppose I can go and get a haircut.
This photograph was taken of me this morning on my way to Starbucks (for a delicious Pumpkin Spice)
In the meantime, when polled, I found not many people do payroll deductions for charity. I certainly don’t mind helping out people, but I’ll admit that the tax rebate is nice too, come April.
Right now I’m trying to figure out which lucky charity will get my dime. The Diabetic Fund? The Children’s Hospital? Heart Foundation? Africa? (Haha, just kidding, they don’t have a chance.) There’s some mad- up disease called Crohn’s. (Edit: Wait, nevermind, its real and its gross, they’re not getting a nickel.)
I do wish they could vie for my money directly. Maybe a little presentation where I act very bored while they explain why they need the money?
"Please sir, the children.. theyre suffering .. and starving...! All we need is--"
"Hm? Oh?! ... Does anyone know who got voted off Dancing with the Stars?"
I am the kindest person I know.
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| what i did on my summer vacation |
[26 Aug 2009|12:01pm] |
This morning some guy from another department came to our floor to ask some informal officy type questions. After the business part of the conversation, someone from my group asks him how his recent vacation went.
“Ah, my wife had a still-born”
(one hundred billion years of silence passes)
Thankfully one of the girls jumped in “ Wow, sorry to hear that”
“Ah, thank you.”
AWKWARD
After he was safely away in the lobby, I looked around “That was WEIRD, right? Why would anyone say that?” and for once, everyone agreed with me that it was indeed a very awkward and weird thing to say. “When it got all quiet, I almost said that I went to Niagra Falls on my vacation” No one else thought that was a good idea.
I’ve been opening up a lot at work lately and just saying what I really think. It’s very satisfying.
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| Writer's Block: Proven by Science |
[13 Aug 2009|09:07am] |
Everyone seems to be answering this one, and it goes along with something going on at home. Ben and my nemesis, Steven have been contacting ghosts through the Ouija board. While I think its nice for Ben to spend time with his family, I think its ridiculous that they think they're "talking" to Jemi, a slave who died hundreds of years ago, and speaks Latin for some reason. Jemi told them aliens are coming to save selected people from the 2012 calendar disaster. I've been banned from attending future Ouija sessions because I laugh too much.
I want to repost one of my comments left in a locked entry over at ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) nightfuns
Does the notion that there may not be a supernatural scare you? Isn't THIS enough? Just this? This world..? Just this beautiful, complex, wonderfully unfathomable natural world?
How does it fail to hold our attention that we have to diminish it with the invention of cheap, man-made myths-and-monsters?
I am a tiny, insignificant, ignorant bit of carbon. I have one life, and it is short and unimportant...BUTTTTTTT thanks to recent scientific advances I get to live TWICE as long as my great-great-great uncles and aunts. Twice as long to drink wine with friends, twice as long to love my partner, twice as long to share bad stories and worse jokes.
I'm okay with that.
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| This is Niagra Falls. Alright, you're a little boy. You wanna be a big boy? |
[27 Jul 2009|01:08pm] |
In July I took two weeks off abruptly from work. I told Ben I needed to get away, and drove off to Niagra Falls for about a week. The falls themselves are ridiculously spectacular. For about ten minutes. Then they’re boring and you realize the surrounding 5 kilometres is nothing but overpriced tourist crap.
I spent my days wandering around the Niagra region, visiting some of the parks and sometimes just sitting there doing nothing, or reading a book, or watching people (that sounds creepier than I hope it was).
I headed back to Stinktown (aka Toronto) for a garbage filled three-day-stay. I nearly threw up in Kensington Market from the smell, came close to losing it at some garbage filled tennis court, and saw a rat for the first time in my entire life. You’re well on your way to becoming the oh-so-average-American-city, T-Dot, keep it up!
Mental crisis closely averted, I headed back east home and spent the second week of my time off helping my parents move all their crap out of their house. They picked up some Yanks foreclosed house an hour south of Orlando and are skipping the country at the first sign of frost.
I helped stimulate the economy buy picking up a half-moon (real) leather couch, a king size bed which I think I hate now that I’ve slept on it for a few days, a room sized desk for my office, and a matching dresser set for the guest room instead of the mix-n-match we had in there before.
I saw the new Harry Potter, and I’m going to just go ahead and say it: didn’t like it.
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| You don't work, you just play computer solitaire. |
[29 Jun 2009|07:53am] |
 Does anyone play iPod solitaire? Anyone who does knows it’s freakin hard and I was very emasculated when I reached rock-bottom at negative one thousand dollars, but I’m extremely pleased to report that my account shows at +3300$
That’s forty minutes a day well-spent!
Oh hey, I read in the back section of the paper that Michael Jackson isn't doing too good. I hope he's okay! Anyone heard any news on this?
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| My prom is wherever you are. |
[21 Jun 2009|12:03am] |
My Google News alert for “Zac Efron Montreal” has finally paid off. I can’t read a damn thing this article says, but apparently Zac Efron is sleeping on the same island as I am.
I can’t figure out what part of town he’s in from the picture, but I intend on driving around all night until I find him, and rape him.
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| FYI, you're kinda acting like a murderer. |
[17 Jun 2009|08:48am] |
[08:01AM EDT; Montreal, Quebec]
[Phone rings]
[Its researchbased]
 James: Hello
Daniel: Good morning Jamie, how are you?
James: Hi Dan, I’m at work, like usual, what’s up?
Daniel: I’m on my way to work, then supper afterwards, what about you?
James: Here until 3:30, then nothing.
Daniel: You have really blue eyes.
James: Yeah..
Daniel: Hold on, I want to read you something... ”.. he walked with confidence and dressed well, conjuring an impression of wealth and achievement. He was 26 years old, five feet, eight inches, he weighed only 155 pounds. He had brown hair and striking blue eyes, once likened to the eyes of a mesmerist.” ...You look exactly like H.H. Holmes!
James: The killer?
Daniel: Yeah
James: Did you know we have the same birthday? Different year though. And I don’t have a crazy 1800’s moustache. Oh! Also! I don’t murder people.
Daniel: Yet.
James: Hey! I am not the reincarnation of a murderer.
Daniel: You don’t know that for sure.
James: He was the worst murderer in North America!
Daniel: No, that was Albert Fish, who is actually more like my boyfriend.
James: Well Holmes was in the top five, I'm sure.
Daniel: He was pretty 1800’s hot. You can’t tell me he wasn’t!
James: Moustache? I don’t think so, Danny.
Chatlogs, lol. I wonder if I should believe in reincarnation? Should I rename my house to MURDER CASTLE? I’m thinking “Definite Yes” on the latter.
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| Look, I've been to Toronto. Trust me, nothing can survive there |
[16 Jun 2009|09:23am] |
The last week of May I scuttled off to Toronto for five days with Chris (the gingerboy). Toronto, as everyone knows, is the city that interesting forgot. Devoid of culture, joy, and excitement of any kind, we planned on keeping a low profile. My corporate discount provided an excellent price for a hotel near the airport. The website showed they had microwaves and fridges in the room, and when we got there they upgraded me (for no reason?) to a room with a stove.
The whole set-up was like a small apartment: living room, kitchenette, bedroom, bathroom, and Chris and I basically “played house” for five days. We did a small grocery order, loafed on the sofa watching DVDs, and cooking suppers together. (and the sex of course)
Yes, angry billboard, I agree with the message you are conveying!
We hit a few tourist locations, including the Toronto Zoo (too big) and the CN Tower (too big)(I didn’t even get an employee’s discount!), and a few places I had wanted to go to, including their Central Station (pretty, but no life to it), their underground mass transit system (horrible) and a supper with researchbased(lovely).
The famous Toronto traffic was nearly enough for me to purchase a small gun (somehow?) and just cradle it inside my mouth while shaking and sweating. Eighteen lanes? Seriously Toronto, shut up. Your metropolitan overcompensation obsession may trick Americans into thinking you’re a real city, but no one in this country is fooled.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I’m in love with a 20 year old.
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| You may have surmised, that explosion was for the tourists. The *real* action is right up here! |
[15 Jun 2009|10:05am] |
Can I confess something? I tell you this as an friend, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.
I don’t think that’s a particularly rare thing to think?
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| I'm going to make the world spin backwards briefly and reverse time |
[09 Jun 2009|08:13am] |
This morning when passing by the Helpdesk someone pointed out that I had my shirt on backwards. That is ridiculous, I said.
“So why is there a pocket on the back?”
I had to do that weird thing where you turn your shirt around without taking it off. The day can’t get much worse than this, I hope. What a fashion disaster.
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| I wish I didn't have to stir this pudding. |
[04 Jun 2009|02:37pm] |
I ate a banana cream pie flavoured pudding at the end of my lunch today. Later when I went to throw the empty plastic cup in the trash, I noticed the expiry date read: December 24, 2008.
Am I going to die?
This is when I SHOULD have eaten the delicious pudding.
I think my tummy is hurting. Is it getting all fuzzy in here? Oh God..
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| Give me some oinkment and I’ll send a hambulance. |
[04 Jun 2009|07:55am] |
The guy who sits diagonally from me has been working from home some days, and in the office alternate days for about a week. Turns out his daughter has a confirmed case of H1N1.
Am I going to die?
Just gettin' ready for work...
I think my throat is hurting. Is it warm in here? Oh God..
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| So, who wants to give our lovely guests the death sentence? |
[21 Apr 2009|10:07am] |
About ten years ago I was on Battle.net playing Starcraft. I have always hated the idea of scheduling a time online, which is why I could never get into clans and guilds, but I ended up being an “honourary member” of a small little Starcraft clan so I could play, as the Protoss, a few rounds against the same trustworthy and reasonably decent players.
The clan leader was a blond-blue-eyed swimmer from east New York named Greg, and over the years we ended up visiting one another several times. The last time I saw Greg was on New Years Eve about 6 years ago when he came up to Canada to bypass the age-21-drinking-laws in New York for the relaxed Sin-City-of-the-North rules that recommend you be kind-of 18ish.
When the UFC (some wrestling/fighting show) announced plans to perform in Montreal, Greg arranged to come up, and I offered him the guest room. He declined at first saying he was coming with his ex-girlfriend, and I said it would be no problem at all.
She turned out to be a great girl, and anyone who loves Banjo is a friend of mine. I ended up taking a few days off and Greg came a few days early and we spent some time hanging out around town, and drinking.
Greg and his ex slept in separate rooms and generally being good guests. On Saturday night I gave them a house-key since they would be home at God-knows-when and probably half drunk. They were planning on taking a cab home. When Ben and I woke up Sunday morning, Greg was no where to be found, but the guest room door was closed tight. The sleeping arrangements had changed abruptly.
Around 9:30 Ben and I were having a cup of coffee in the kitchen when he said “Do.. you.. hear something?” Listening, I said I could. Turns out the estranged couple had reunited in our guest room.
All that pre-amble to ask: Is it appropriate for out-of-town guests to have sex at a friends house?
I would have preferred not to have been aware of it at the time. Some people I’ve asked have said its absolutely inappropriate and others have said its no big deal. I think I’m somewhere in the middle on it. Is this offensive to anyone here?
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[09 Apr 2009|09:30am] |
Man, I am bored at work today.
James says:
i need an outlet for being angry
Semo ( suitablyemoname ) says:
No kidding.
James says:
really?
Semo says:
You've been a bigger dick than usual over the last few days, yeah.
James says:
gotta keep up my street cred
Semo says:
Well, I don't know what you want me to tell you. What's up?
James says:
i was going to ask you if you knew a good community that wasnt full of circle jerking nerds where i could get angry
Semo says:
The implication that I only hang out with circle jerking nerds is not helping.
James says:
well maybe not EXCLUSIVELY
Semo says:
Get bent, James.
James says:
ah, everyone is so sensitive ...
Semo says:
Not sensitive so much as impatient and beyond caring at this point.
James says:
suit yourself I wouldn't know funny if it stuck it's dick in my fucking ear.
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| Farewell is like the end |
[22 Mar 2009|09:08pm] |
I've removed about a good 10% of my Livejournal Friends.
This movie ALWAYS makes me cry. Always.
Anything to do with dogs, or moms just tears me up. (Or foxes I suppose?)
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| Don't mean I'm in love tonight |
[21 Mar 2009|10:51pm] |
I decided around eight PM, after having a drink or two, that I wanted to slow cook a ham for Sunday night dinner, so I hoofed it up to the nearest grocery store (why? what do you do do on Saturday night??)
As I approached the door three girls spotted me and said “Him! Him!” and ran up to me and asked if I spoke French. I said yes, and they said, “She’s getting married tomorrow, will you kiss her? It’s only a dollar”
For some weird reason I said yes and ended up with a French girls lips against mine, which was strange enough until she grabbed the back of my hair and forced her tongue into my mouth.
Now I can unironically say I kissed a girl and I liked it, I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it.
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