| You don't work, you just play computer solitaire. |
[29 Jun 2009|07:53am] |
 Does anyone play iPod solitaire? Anyone who does knows it’s freakin hard and I was very emasculated when I reached rock-bottom at negative one thousand dollars, but I’m extremely pleased to report that my account shows at +3300$
That’s forty minutes a day well-spent!
Oh hey, I read in the back section of the paper that Michael Jackson isn't doing too good. I hope he's okay! Anyone heard any news on this?
|
|
| My prom is wherever you are. |
[21 Jun 2009|12:03am] |
My Google News alert for “Zac Efron Montreal” has finally paid off. I can’t read a damn thing this article says, but apparently Zac Efron is sleeping on the same island as I am.
I can’t figure out what part of town he’s in from the picture, but I intend on driving around all night until I find him, and rape him.
|
|
| FYI, you're kinda acting like a murderer. |
[17 Jun 2009|08:48am] |
[08:01AM EDT; Montreal, Quebec]
[Phone rings]
[Its ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) researchbased]
 James: Hello
Daniel: Good morning Jamie, how are you?
James: Hi Dan, I’m at work, like usual, what’s up?
Daniel: I’m on my way to work, then supper afterwards, what about you?
James: Here until 3:30, then nothing.
Daniel: You have really blue eyes.
James: Yeah..
Daniel: Hold on, I want to read you something... ”.. he walked with confidence and dressed well, conjuring an impression of wealth and achievement. He was 26 years old, five feet, eight inches, he weighed only 155 pounds. He had brown hair and striking blue eyes, once likened to the eyes of a mesmerist.” ...You look exactly like H.H. Holmes!
James: The killer?
Daniel: Yeah
James: Did you know we have the same birthday? Different year though. And I don’t have a crazy 1800’s moustache. Oh! Also! I don’t murder people.
Daniel: Yet.
James: Hey! I am not the reincarnation of a murderer.
Daniel: You don’t know that for sure.
James: He was the worst murderer in North America!
Daniel: No, that was Albert Fish, who is actually more like my boyfriend.
James: Well Holmes was in the top five, I'm sure.
Daniel: He was pretty 1800’s hot. You can’t tell me he wasn’t!
James: Moustache? I don’t think so, Danny.
Chatlogs, lol. I wonder if I should believe in reincarnation? Should I rename my house to MURDER CASTLE? I’m thinking “Definite Yes” on the latter.
|
|
| Look, I've been to Toronto. Trust me, nothing can survive there |
[16 Jun 2009|09:23am] |
The last week of May I scuttled off to Toronto for five days with Chris (the gingerboy). Toronto, as everyone knows, is the city that interesting forgot. Devoid of culture, joy, and excitement of any kind, we planned on keeping a low profile. My corporate discount provided an excellent price for a hotel near the airport. The website showed they had microwaves and fridges in the room, and when we got there they upgraded me (for no reason?) to a room with a stove.
The whole set-up was like a small apartment: living room, kitchenette, bedroom, bathroom, and Chris and I basically “played house” for five days. We did a small grocery order, loafed on the sofa watching DVDs, and cooking suppers together. (and the sex of course)
Yes, angry billboard, I agree with the message you are conveying!
We hit a few tourist locations, including the Toronto Zoo (too big) and the CN Tower (too big)(I didn’t even get an employee’s discount!), and a few places I had wanted to go to, including their Central Station (pretty, but no life to it), their underground mass transit system (horrible) and a supper with researchbased(lovely).
The famous Toronto traffic was nearly enough for me to purchase a small gun (somehow?) and just cradle it inside my mouth while shaking and sweating. Eighteen lanes? Seriously Toronto, shut up. Your metropolitan overcompensation obsession may trick Americans into thinking you’re a real city, but no one in this country is fooled.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I’m in love with a 20 year old.
|
|
| You may have surmised, that explosion was for the tourists. The *real* action is right up here! |
[15 Jun 2009|10:05am] |
Can I confess something? I tell you this as an friend, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.
I don’t think that’s a particularly rare thing to think?
|
|
| I'm going to make the world spin backwards briefly and reverse time |
[09 Jun 2009|08:13am] |
This morning when passing by the Helpdesk someone pointed out that I had my shirt on backwards. That is ridiculous, I said.
“So why is there a pocket on the back?”
I had to do that weird thing where you turn your shirt around without taking it off. The day can’t get much worse than this, I hope. What a fashion disaster.
|
|
| I wish I didn't have to stir this pudding. |
[04 Jun 2009|02:37pm] |
I ate a banana cream pie flavoured pudding at the end of my lunch today. Later when I went to throw the empty plastic cup in the trash, I noticed the expiry date read: December 24, 2008.
Am I going to die?
This is when I SHOULD have eaten the delicious pudding.
I think my tummy is hurting. Is it getting all fuzzy in here? Oh God..
|
|
| Give me some oinkment and I’ll send a hambulance. |
[04 Jun 2009|07:55am] |
The guy who sits diagonally from me has been working from home some days, and in the office alternate days for about a week. Turns out his daughter has a confirmed case of H1N1.
Am I going to die?
Just gettin' ready for work...
I think my throat is hurting. Is it warm in here? Oh God..
|
|
| So, who wants to give our lovely guests the death sentence? |
[21 Apr 2009|10:07am] |
About ten years ago I was on Battle.net playing Starcraft. I have always hated the idea of scheduling a time online, which is why I could never get into clans and guilds, but I ended up being an “honourary member” of a small little Starcraft clan so I could play, as the Protoss, a few rounds against the same trustworthy and reasonably decent players.
The clan leader was a blond-blue-eyed swimmer from east New York named Greg, and over the years we ended up visiting one another several times. The last time I saw Greg was on New Years Eve about 6 years ago when he came up to Canada to bypass the age-21-drinking-laws in New York for the relaxed Sin-City-of-the-North rules that recommend you be kind-of 18ish.
When the UFC (some wrestling/fighting show) announced plans to perform in Montreal, Greg arranged to come up, and I offered him the guest room. He declined at first saying he was coming with his ex-girlfriend, and I said it would be no problem at all.
She turned out to be a great girl, and anyone who loves Banjo is a friend of mine. I ended up taking a few days off and Greg came a few days early and we spent some time hanging out around town, and drinking.
Greg and his ex slept in separate rooms and generally being good guests. On Saturday night I gave them a house-key since they would be home at God-knows-when and probably half drunk. They were planning on taking a cab home. When Ben and I woke up Sunday morning, Greg was no where to be found, but the guest room door was closed tight. The sleeping arrangements had changed abruptly.
Around 9:30 Ben and I were having a cup of coffee in the kitchen when he said “Do.. you.. hear something?” Listening, I said I could. Turns out the estranged couple had reunited in our guest room.
All that pre-amble to ask: Is it appropriate for out-of-town guests to have sex at a friends house?
I would have preferred not to have been aware of it at the time. Some people I’ve asked have said its absolutely inappropriate and others have said its no big deal. I think I’m somewhere in the middle on it. Is this offensive to anyone here?
|
|
|
[09 Apr 2009|09:30am] |
Man, I am bored at work today.
James says:
i need an outlet for being angry
Semo ( suitablyemoname ) says:
No kidding.
James says:
really?
Semo says:
You've been a bigger dick than usual over the last few days, yeah.
James says:
gotta keep up my street cred
Semo says:
Well, I don't know what you want me to tell you. What's up?
James says:
i was going to ask you if you knew a good community that wasnt full of circle jerking nerds where i could get angry
Semo says:
The implication that I only hang out with circle jerking nerds is not helping.
James says:
well maybe not EXCLUSIVELY
Semo says:
Get bent, James.
James says:
ah, everyone is so sensitive ...
Semo says:
Not sensitive so much as impatient and beyond caring at this point.
James says:
suit yourself I wouldn't know funny if it stuck it's dick in my fucking ear.
|
|
| Farewell is like the end |
[22 Mar 2009|09:08pm] |
I've removed about a good 10% of my Livejournal Friends.
This movie ALWAYS makes me cry. Always.
Anything to do with dogs, or moms just tears me up. (Or foxes I suppose?)
|
|
| Don't mean I'm in love tonight |
[21 Mar 2009|10:51pm] |
I decided around eight PM, after having a drink or two, that I wanted to slow cook a ham for Sunday night dinner, so I hoofed it up to the nearest grocery store (why? what do you do do on Saturday night??)
As I approached the door three girls spotted me and said “Him! Him!” and ran up to me and asked if I spoke French. I said yes, and they said, “She’s getting married tomorrow, will you kiss her? It’s only a dollar”
For some weird reason I said yes and ended up with a French girls lips against mine, which was strange enough until she grabbed the back of my hair and forced her tongue into my mouth.
Now I can unironically say I kissed a girl and I liked it, I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it.
|
|
| Nine, ten, never sleep again |
[16 Mar 2009|09:03pm] |
 Ben was raised in a mostly French household, and as such never really watched English TV and especially English movies. This was great when we first started dating, I got to rent all the old classics, like Robocop, and Robocop 2, Superman, Gone with the Wind, all great movies to enjoy for the first time all over again.
I’ve told this story before, but recent events have caused it to have to be retold. When we rented Nightmare on Elm Street it was actually still pretty scary, even after all these years. When we later went to bed together, we did kind of laugh at some of the cheesy 80s effects. We dosed off, only to be awoken hours later, Ben was in near-hysterics screaming that he was bleeding. Half asleep and in the pitch black, I tried to console him. He kept shouting he was bleeding, and finally I leaned over to turn on the lamp. When the light came on his face and hands were covered in blood. I admit it, I screamed. Nightmare on Elm Street was still fresh in the memory, naturally, and the half-asleep brain processed it as such.
Luckily it turned out to be just a simple nose-bleed, but we ended up laughing about it anyway. Nose bleeds at odd times are intended to be laughed at, and if you take it too seriously, well, where’s the fun in that?
|
|
| I consider myself a rational erudite |
[10 Feb 2009|08:31am] |
 I’ve been paged in the middle of the night 4 times in three days. Twice last night alone, once at 11PM; and another at 3:50AM, I’m racked.
Completely unrelated, I have a good friend who hasn’t had a girlfriend in a while. Hes in his early 20s, and has been talking to his best friends sister on IM for a few weeks. She’s just turned 15. He hasn’t said anything to me, but its clear they are getting along. When the ‘older brother’ told me his sister was feeling sick and would probably take the day off school, on the same day no-girlfriend-guy has no classes, flags were raised.
How can I broach the subject with this guy without asking outright? Why are people so dumb? If you’re going to have sex with a teenager, do it with a 19 year old like a normal person does.
I saw Polytechnique (in English) on Saturday night at the Pepsi AMC Forum, it was my first time there, and its nice, and the parking was pretty cheap too.
Set in Montreal, Quebec and based on the École Polytechnique Massacre (also known as the Montreal Massacre), the film documents the events of December 6, 1989 through the eyes of two students who witness a gunman murder fourteen young women before committing suicide. The film is absolutely brutal in its depiction of one of the worst school shootings in modern times, and the absolute insanity of a man blaming woman for all of his personal problems in life to the point where he causes this kind of terror. I strongly urge all Montrealers to go see this movie.
I cried (twice).
|
|
| I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over or blow me up |
[03 Feb 2009|10:12am] |
I’ve had a fever since Thursday. I left work early on Friday, right after my meeting with the Porn Writer; and pretty much laid around the house all weekend long alternating between loafing and complaining.
By Monday the fever still hadn’t broke, so I stayed home, except for a tiny side trip to get a hamburger and a heating pad. I debated calling in sick again today, since I literally never call in sick just “for fun,” like a lot of my coworkers do, but figured I could play hero and get at least some work done. No way, I’ve barely done anything since I got here this morning except be snarky with everyone, and read a few emails. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but i’m pushing 20 meeting invitations and nearly a hundred emails, and its making me angry. Not Christian Bale angry, but getting close.
Anyway, I feel like Superman today, and not in the good way.
 (apparently Superman has winter eczema in the first panel?)
Am I the only one still not getting LJ email notifications? This sucks.
|
|
| You must be the Porn Writer. I didn't mean for this to be so awkward |
[30 Jan 2009|10:58am] |
 Well, I went to go visit the amateur-porn-writer described in detail in my post earlier this week, and he was super nervous (and not terribly unattractive). I showed up at his desk about 20 minutes after he logged into the network (I had his login ID flagged to notify me), and asked him to join me in a close-by conference room. I had a folder with his name on a POST IT note with a few printed out emails, and stories, and a few old procedures (just to give it a little bit of bulk).
He seemed to click-in right away with what I was saying and immediately turned apologetic, and I explained that I had no intention of informing HR as long as it did not happen again. He didn’t have a heart attack, he didn’t leap over the desk to choke me to death, and he did not bumble and stumble over his words, so thumbs up for taking it in a relative stride.
The best part is that I caught the whole thing on tape. The plain conference room we were in is equipped for long-distance video-conferencing, so I turned it on just moments before meeting him.
( Yes, its on Youtube; and yes, I wear a tie )
|
|
| What's worse, an idiot jerk or a jerk idiot? |
[21 Jan 2009|07:49am] |
 elderfear is playing one of those gay memes where you sign up for questions and have to answer them, so I threw my hat in since I don’t much to post about lately except the whole “I have two boyfriends” thing going on, work related stuff, and the weather, all of which make me sound (more) like an ass, so its easier to just not-post, but I guess I committed to this, so here goes:
Discuss your sense of self as it relates to your often abrasive and overtly sour personality?
I’m neither abrasive, nor sour. I just dislike false social situations. I hate the barber for this reason, because we’re expected to make chit-chat. I hate talking with casual coworkers, because its dumb. I don’t care about their kids, or where they went for dinner. Does anyone care about this stuff? Not likely. Same goes out here on the Internet. I don’t expect anyone to care about anything I do, and I very rarely care about what “strangers” think of me. This week, in the Montreal LJ community, there was an announcement the subway had to close cause someone was seen running through the tunnels. My reply was “They should just speed up the trains and turn the windshield wipers on,” and it ended up causing a miniature drama. Why? Who cares about this guy? Not me. Probably not you. Probably not the people who got mad and said it was insensitive and uncalled for, but they’re just playing the game that I can’t be bothered with. It sounds like an ego-trip, but I really just think I value honesty more than politeness.
( Its an ego-trip of ludicrous proportions under the cut )
|
|
| I'd recommend a good travel agent. |
[17 Jan 2009|10:39pm] |
The rules of this are pretty simple, find a friend on your friends list who is under-appreciated, and post why other people should friend-them.
poobah103 is terribly under-appreciated. He posts 2 to 4 times a week, often long posts, but never boring. He likes bad movies, zombies, and sharks. Wise beyond his years, he deserves way more readers than he probably has, and a million comments per post.
Add poobah103
On the opposite end, if you have kickthehobbit already on your friends list, remove her. Unless you enjoy 6 updates a day about Internet-boyfriends, and LJ community drama, do not bother! Urg. It’s time for another clean up.
Please make some COOL recommendations. Bad recommendations will get you banned, and if possible I will burn your house to the ground.
|
|
| I don't get a goodbye because I went crazy and tried to rip your throat out while we were having sex |
[06 Jan 2009|02:24pm] |
Happy New Year, everyone. Everyone is buzzing about LiveJournal closing down. Well, guys, not to run the risk of sounding melodramatic but goodbye forever!
Today’s adventure comes from Ken, the cranky hippy who tricked me into watching hardcore (heterosexual) porn at work at 8 in the morning a while back. He has been complaining all day about how his favourite channel hasn’t been working since Wednesday, so today he got on the phone and called them.
“Hi, I can’t see [name of channel, which I seriously cannot remember the name of] anymore... (long pause) (shouting) WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY CANCELLED IT???”
Later, he called his wife to break the bad news to her. The depression level seemed somewhere along the lines of “my dog just died.”
“I know...  I know... ... No, its cancelled completely... .. I don’t know..... .... What can we do about it? .... ... I know ...Okay.... ... I’ll see you at dinner . Bye “
Some day I hope to be that passionate about TV (not sarcasm).
Bonus chatlog because is Tuesday
Ryan says:
tell me that you asked what channel he was talking about
James says:
if i ASK he'll know i was LISTENING 
|
|
